yeah i don't know try at the end just go i don't know i'll try at the end just go i don't know i'll try at the end just go i don't know i'll try i don't know um try i don't know um try i don't know um cool a bunch of bunch of people here cool a bunch of bunch of people here cool a bunch of bunch of people here have uh done the cold dip and um have uh done the cold dip and um have uh done the cold dip and um polar plunge as it's turned into and so polar plunge as it's turned into and so polar plunge as it's turned into and so you guys know the benefits but we'll you guys know the benefits but we'll you guys know the benefits but we'll talk about that too and talk about that too and talk about that too and eric's gonna talk about it uh eric eric's gonna talk about it uh eric eric's gonna talk about it uh eric friend from the plunge friend from the plunge friend from the plunge and uh um anyway uh and uh um anyway uh
relatively severe anxiety uh building up relatively severe anxiety uh building up to today and to today and to today and um you know i like my job is to talk to um you know i like my job is to talk to um you know i like my job is to talk to people people people and and i'm still not very good at it and and i'm still not very good at it and and i'm still not very good at it and um and um and um and it still makes uh me nervous so and it still makes uh me nervous so and it still makes uh me nervous so um anyway uh i guess i'll just tell you um anyway uh i guess i'll just tell you um anyway uh i guess i'll just tell you a little bit about the you know it's a little bit about the you know it's a little bit about the you know it's mostly when i talk nowadays i don't talk mostly when i talk nowadays i don't talk mostly when i talk nowadays i don't talk too much about uh not taking drugs
like i look at the pictures of me when i like i look at the pictures of me when i was a was a was a a kid and almost exclusively like a kid and almost exclusively like a kid and almost exclusively like everybody's smiling and i'm like i just everybody's smiling and i'm like i just everybody's smiling and i'm like i just got this nervous look on my face i'm got this nervous look on my face i'm got this nervous look on my face i'm just this nervous little kid just this nervous little kid just this nervous little kid just being nervous and and i remember um just being nervous and and i remember um just being nervous and and i remember um you know when i when i had my first you know when i when i had my first you know when i when i had my first drink um which was later i i didn't have drink um which was later i i didn't have drink um which was later i i didn't have i didn't put any chemicals in until i i didn't put any chemicals in until i i didn't put any chemicals in until i was 19.
the med cart and the med cart and uh i did that for you know a year and a uh i did that for you know a year and a uh i did that for you know a year and a half and half and half and hurt a lot of people like hurt a lot of hurt a lot of people like hurt a lot of hurt a lot of people like hurt a lot of people that were sick people that were sick people that were sick and suffering but my addiction and suffering but my addiction and suffering but my addiction trumped their pain and and i remember trumped their pain and and i remember trumped their pain and and i remember crying you know like while i would steal crying you know like while i would steal crying you know like while i would steal their morphine because it um uh their morphine because it um uh their morphine because it um uh i didn't want to do that stuff you know i didn't want to do that stuff you know i didn't want to do that stuff you know i i still had these morals floating
damn it dude actually i don't care man damn it dude actually i don't care man damn it dude actually i don't care man we watched this uh brene brown thing we watched this uh brene brown thing we watched this uh brene brown thing about vulnerability and that was uh about vulnerability and that was uh about vulnerability and that was uh my one thing i was going to try to do my one thing i was going to try to do my one thing i was going to try to do tonight is to be vulnerable and so and so and so you know on our first on our first kit you know on our first on our first kit you know on our first on our first kit i'd had a whole tapered plan i'd had a whole tapered plan i'd had a whole tapered plan the using heroin to get off i mean i my the using heroin to get off i mean i my the using heroin to get off i mean i my i tried to use heroin to get off alcohol i tried to use heroin to get off alcohol i tried to use heroin to get off alcohol but then that didn't work so i tried to but then that didn't work so i tried to
just if you're looking for ideas go to just if you're looking for ideas go to go to church with my folks and see who go to church with my folks and see who go to church with my folks and see who had like a had like a had like a broken leg in the congregation then i broken leg in the congregation then i broken leg in the congregation then i just slip out of church and just slip out of church and just slip out of church and go rob them and um go rob them and um go rob them and um which seemed out of my wheelhouse like which seemed out of my wheelhouse like which seemed out of my wheelhouse like now i'm robbing and now i'm robbing and now i'm robbing and breaking and entering and and breaking and entering and and breaking and entering and and all these lines that i just never all these lines that i just never all these lines that i just never thought i would cross
you know they tried to get me to do 12 you know they tried to get me to do 12 steps forever but danny did it in a way steps forever but danny did it in a way steps forever but danny did it in a way that was like that was like that was like these might help you if you want to take these might help you if you want to take these might help you if you want to take a look at them so i was like well if a look at them so i was like well if a look at them so i was like well if you're not going to tell me to do it you're not going to tell me to do it you're not going to tell me to do it then i'll then i'll then i'll just take a peek and and i did it by just take a peek and and i did it by just take a peek and and i did it by myself myself myself and i had a spiritual awakening and i had a spiritual awakening and i had a spiritual awakening up in up in treatment alone by myself
like i i'm like i i'm i've got hardcore anxiety hardcore i've got hardcore anxiety hardcore i've got hardcore anxiety hardcore depression depression depression suicidal ideation drugs don't work i've suicidal ideation drugs don't work i've suicidal ideation drugs don't work i've already already already come to that realization at this point i come to that realization at this point i come to that realization at this point i know that it's not going to work i know know that it's not going to work i know know that it's not going to work i know that i can't that i can't that i can't fix these problems with the chemicals fix these problems with the chemicals fix these problems with the chemicals because i've tried i tried that for so because i've tried i tried that for so because i've tried i tried that for so long and
i felt like the last year and a half i felt like the last year and a half like i like i like i really like i don't know i felt like you really like i don't know i felt like you really like i don't know i felt like you know when i was suicidal know when i was suicidal know when i was suicidal back at year five i was uh i had no idea back at year five i was uh i had no idea back at year five i was uh i had no idea what what i could even do i didn't know what what i could even do i didn't know what what i could even do i didn't know how to figure it out how to figure it out how to figure it out and i think i figured out this last year and i think i figured out this last year and i think i figured out this last year and half like and i i think this is true and half like and i i think this is true and half like and i i think this is true for all of us like for all of us like for all of us like like i don't know what you need you know
bite me in the ass you know like uh all that stuff are we recording uh all that stuff are we recording uh all that stuff are we recording um like but when i start you know it's um like but when i start you know it's um like but when i start you know it's all these things all these things all these things in my life that i start tripping out in my life that i start tripping out in my life that i start tripping out about the fridge and i mean life is life about the fridge and i mean life is life about the fridge and i mean life is life man life is coming at you and it man life is coming at you and it man life is coming at you and it it's not going to stop like there's it's not going to stop like there's it's not going to stop like there's always going to be stuff and i can spend always going to be stuff and i can spend always going to be stuff and i can spend man i spent a month last month thinking man i spent a month last month thinking man i spent a month last month thinking about how i'm going bald you know like about how i'm going bald you know like
like it's all you can do is think about like it's all you can do is think about breathing and um and breathing and um and breathing and um and and just just breathing really which is and just just breathing really which is and just just breathing really which is i need to be i need to be i need to be uh you know if i can take that and it's uh you know if i can take that and it's uh you know if i can take that and it's not just about that you know if i can not just about that you know if i can not just about that you know if i can take that take that take that and and utilize that in the rest of my and and utilize that in the rest of my and and utilize that in the rest of my uh uh uh life and be in the now the polar plunge life and be in the now the polar plunge life and be in the now the polar plunge is the exact same thing as throwing a
to enjoy the time that i've got to enjoy the time that i've got and anyway i'm just trying to implement and anyway i'm just trying to implement and anyway i'm just trying to implement it it it in into my everyday and i don't have it in into my everyday and i don't have it in into my everyday and i don't have it figured out by any means i'm like figured out by any means i'm like figured out by any means i'm like i mean the only reason they have me run i mean the only reason they have me run i mean the only reason they have me run groups here is so i can learn groups here is so i can learn groups here is so i can learn because because because um because uh i get more out of um because uh i get more out of um because uh i get more out of everybody here like i'm everybody here like i'm everybody here like i'm super appreciative and for shay and