00:00good morning I've already delete the first clip I did I've already delete the first clip I did because again I can't I can't vlog when because again I can't I can't vlog when because again I can't I can't vlog when I first get up it's just too depressing I first get up it's just too depressing I first get up it's just too depressing mm so in front of my fireplace that it's mm so in front of my fireplace that it's mm so in front of my fireplace that it's a gas fireplace and I'm gonna try to a gas fireplace and I'm gonna try to a gas fireplace and I'm gonna try to start it up in a little while but if I start it up in a little while but if I start it up in a little while but if I can remember how to do it it's supposed can remember how to do it it's supposed can remember how to do it it's supposed to be pretty easy but it hasn't been I to be pretty easy but it hasn't been I to be pretty easy but it hasn't been I know for months anyway I want to talk know for months anyway I want to talk know for months anyway I want to talk about what is the cause of the morning about what is the cause of the morning about what is the cause of the morning I'm sure new phrases I know that my I'm sure new phrases I know that my I'm sure new phrases I know that my adrenals are probably fatigued adrenals are probably fatigued adrenals are probably fatigued I have a book adrenal fatigue and um I I have a book adrenal fatigue and um I I have a book adrenal fatigue and um I kind of um fit the description perfectly kind of um fit the description perfectly kind of um fit the description perfectly and they have a questionnaire and yeah I
01:00and they have a questionnaire and yeah I and they have a questionnaire and yeah I hit up I hit it off but what can I do to hit up I hit it off but what can I do to hit up I hit it off but what can I do to calm it down because for literally years calm it down because for literally years calm it down because for literally years now I wake up at different times but now I wake up at different times but now I wake up at different times but always before 6 a.m. in this high always before 6 a.m. in this high always before 6 a.m. in this high heightened state of anxiety hearts heightened state of anxiety hearts heightened state of anxiety hearts racing burning stomach elect it feels racing burning stomach elect it feels racing burning stomach elect it feels like electricity is flushing up and like electricity is flushing up and like electricity is flushing up and through my body just horrible feeling through my body just horrible feeling through my body just horrible feeling it's not waking up from a bad dream or it's not waking up from a bad dream or it's not waking up from a bad dream or anything like that it's just the way I anything like that it's just the way I anything like that it's just the way I wake up every single day and it's not wake up every single day and it's not wake up every single day and it's not lime lime didn't cause it but I'm sure lime lime didn't cause it but I'm sure lime lime didn't cause it but I'm sure lime is not making it better so if you
02:00lime is not making it better so if you lime is not making it better so if you would put down in the comments if you would put down in the comments if you would put down in the comments if you have this same situation I know some of have this same situation I know some of have this same situation I know some of you do you just wake up sometimes I wake you do you just wake up sometimes I wake you do you just wake up sometimes I wake up panicky no reason up panicky no reason up panicky no reason and I sit there and I do the four seven and I sit there and I do the four seven and I sit there and I do the four seven eight breathing somebody else does the eight breathing somebody else does the eight breathing somebody else does the tapping have you ever done the EFT yet tapping have you ever done the EFT yet tapping have you ever done the EFT yet anyways but I do do this I keep her anyways but I do do this I keep her anyways but I do do this I keep her though though though so it's breathing for four then hold for so it's breathing for four then hold for so it's breathing for four then hold for seven then blow out with your tongue at seven then blow out with your tongue at seven then blow out with your tongue at the roof of your mouth and your lips the roof of your mouth and your lips the roof of your mouth and your lips purse I do that almost every morning and purse I do that almost every morning and purse I do that almost every morning and it's really annoying it's really annoying it's really annoying cuz I'd like to know what it's like to cuz I'd like to know what it's like to cuz I'd like to know what it's like to be like my husband who just rolls out of be like my husband who just rolls out of be like my husband who just rolls out of bed and welcomes a day and he talks bed and welcomes a day and he talks bed and welcomes a day and he talks really cute to the dogs and hi you know really cute to the dogs and hi you know really cute to the dogs and hi you know I'm happy and I'm laying there breathing
03:00so annoying I just got off the treadmill so annoying I just got off the treadmill cleaned up got dressed gonna go in the cleaned up got dressed gonna go in the cleaned up got dressed gonna go in the sauna cuz I did the absence hot bath sauna cuz I did the absence hot bath sauna cuz I did the absence hot bath last night with dry brushing I seem to last night with dry brushing I seem to last night with dry brushing I seem to be sleeping a little bit better I pray be sleeping a little bit better I pray be sleeping a little bit better I pray that that continues to get better I that that continues to get better I that that continues to get better I don't know if it's the treatment or if don't know if it's the treatment or if don't know if it's the treatment or if it's the klonopin I don't know but I'm it's the klonopin I don't know but I'm it's the klonopin I don't know but I'm still waking up several times a night still waking up several times a night still waking up several times a night and then I still wake up at the crack of and then I still wake up at the crack of and then I still wake up at the crack of dawn crazy as ever Christmases today's the 15th Christmases today's the 15th ten more days my birthday is the 19th I
04:00ten more days my birthday is the 19th I ten more days my birthday is the 19th I will be 59 years old and I haven't will be 59 years old and I haven't will be 59 years old and I haven't enjoyed a birthday in over five years enjoyed a birthday in over five years enjoyed a birthday in over five years every birthday for the last five years every birthday for the last five years every birthday for the last five years has been hell I don't want to do has been hell I don't want to do has been hell I don't want to do anything I don't want to have a party I anything I don't want to have a party I anything I don't want to have a party I don't want any you know last year I was don't want any you know last year I was don't want any you know last year I was in bed my daughter came over with a in bed my daughter came over with a in bed my daughter came over with a couple of my grandkids to bring me my couple of my grandkids to bring me my couple of my grandkids to bring me my gift and I didn't even get out of bed 59 how long am I gonna be fighting this for how long am I gonna be fighting this for the rest of my life the rest of my life the rest of my life you know I have lust years ahead of me you know I have lust years ahead of me you know I have lust years ahead of me than I have behind me now and it scares than I have behind me now and it scares than I have behind me now and it scares me me me it really is scary to think that this it really is scary to think that this it really is scary to think that this might be the rest of my life but as I
05:00might be the rest of my life but as I might be the rest of my life but as I mentioned yesterday if I could just get mentioned yesterday if I could just get mentioned yesterday if I could just get from a scale to zero to 10 10 being I'm from a scale to zero to 10 10 being I'm from a scale to zero to 10 10 being I'm dying and zero being I have absolutely dying and zero being I have absolutely dying and zero being I have absolutely no peer in the world if I could get to a no peer in the world if I could get to a no peer in the world if I could get to a six or seven it would be really good it six or seven it would be really good it six or seven it would be really good it really would take you with me I gotta go really would take you with me I gotta go really would take you with me I gotta go check up lunch so I'm gonna plug myself back in somebody I'm gonna plug myself back in somebody else told me that one of their doctors else told me that one of their doctors else told me that one of their doctors has been doing it you know the same has been doing it you know the same has been doing it you know the same thing you know you're putting it in the thing you know you're putting it in the thing you know you're putting it in the ground which is this is if you didn't ground which is this is if you didn't ground which is this is if you didn't know okay so that little hole or that
06:00know okay so that little hole or that know okay so that little hole or that little hole you know those are the those little hole you know those are the those little hole you know those are the those are the ground and you plug it into that are the ground and you plug it into that are the ground and you plug it into that and then snap it onto and I'm gonna just and then snap it onto and I'm gonna just and then snap it onto and I'm gonna just put it around my my ankle today chicken put it around my my ankle today chicken put it around my my ankle today chicken pickin chicken by the way this thing is pickin chicken by the way this thing is pickin chicken by the way this thing is the bomb I love my induction heater the bomb I love my induction heater the bomb I love my induction heater because it's the greatest thing because it's the greatest thing because it's the greatest thing everybody should have one of these everybody should have one of these everybody should have one of these clearly because heats up in a second and clearly because heats up in a second and clearly because heats up in a second and turns off in a second I mean you can turns off in a second I mean you can turns off in a second I mean you can have boiling water and you'd stop it and have boiling water and you'd stop it and have boiling water and you'd stop it and it stops my my stovetop doesn't do that it stops my my stovetop doesn't do that it stops my my stovetop doesn't do that gas ranges won't do that not as much as gas ranges won't do that not as much as gas ranges won't do that not as much as this anyways I digress again um trying this anyways I digress again um trying this anyways I digress again um trying to have a little scenery a little to have a little scenery a little to have a little scenery a little Christmas scenery huh so today my head
07:00Christmas scenery huh so today my head Christmas scenery huh so today my head is not wackadoodle like it was yesterday is not wackadoodle like it was yesterday is not wackadoodle like it was yesterday I mean it's wackadoodle but it's not wet I mean it's wackadoodle but it's not wet I mean it's wackadoodle but it's not wet god dude all like it was yesterday god dude all like it was yesterday god dude all like it was yesterday yesterday it was really bad again I yesterday it was really bad again I yesterday it was really bad again I can't understand why some day I I think can't understand why some day I I think can't understand why some day I I think stress definitely has something to do stress definitely has something to do stress definitely has something to do with it I mean because I was stressed with it I mean because I was stressed with it I mean because I was stressed out about going out to the doctors out about going out to the doctors out about going out to the doctors yesterday and that made me worse when I yesterday and that made me worse when I yesterday and that made me worse when I first got up this morning I thought it first got up this morning I thought it first got up this morning I thought it was gonna be hell cuz I after I had my was gonna be hell cuz I after I had my was gonna be hell cuz I after I had my initial anxiety and all that then I initial anxiety and all that then I initial anxiety and all that then I really felt was she in the head just really felt was she in the head just really felt was she in the head just laying there and my husband had gotten laying there and my husband had gotten laying there and my husband had gotten up early and left early this morning and up early and left early this morning and up early and left early this morning and I'm laying there thinking I don't know I'm laying there thinking I don't know I'm laying there thinking I don't know if I can get it over to the bathroom and if I can get it over to the bathroom and if I can get it over to the bathroom and Liz literally our our ensuite is Liz literally our our ensuite is Liz literally our our ensuite is probably probably probably ten feet from my bad but I felt really ten feet from my bad but I felt really ten feet from my bad but I felt really was she and I was like so I start crying
08:00was she and I was like so I start crying was she and I was like so I start crying that's why I'm not going to show you the that's why I'm not going to show you the that's why I'm not going to show you the very first cliff because I was crying very first cliff because I was crying very first cliff because I was crying and carrying on and begging God to take and carrying on and begging God to take and carrying on and begging God to take me home yet again because I just me home yet again because I just me home yet again because I just couldn't even fathom going through couldn't even fathom going through couldn't even fathom going through another day of this it's like I cannot another day of this it's like I cannot another day of this it's like I cannot do this anymore the fact that I can't do this anymore the fact that I can't do this anymore the fact that I can't get outside for my walks anymore get outside for my walks anymore get outside for my walks anymore definitely brings on depression I start definitely brings on depression I start definitely brings on depression I start taking vitamin D again only a thousand taking vitamin D again only a thousand taking vitamin D again only a thousand milligrams but that's all I really need milligrams but that's all I really need milligrams but that's all I really need because I absorbed vitamin D pretty because I absorbed vitamin D pretty because I absorbed vitamin D pretty easily I mean during the summer I don't easily I mean during the summer I don't easily I mean during the summer I don't take it at all because I Mountain the take it at all because I Mountain the take it at all because I Mountain the Sun so much but I did start taking Sun so much but I did start taking Sun so much but I did start taking vitamin D again probably two weeks ago vitamin D again probably two weeks ago vitamin D again probably two weeks ago we could at least two weeks ago because we could at least two weeks ago because we could at least two weeks ago because I feel like I'm getting depressed not I feel like I'm getting depressed not I feel like I'm getting depressed not being able to get out of the house and being able to get out of the house and being able to get out of the house and as sick as I am like I've said before my
09:00as sick as I am like I've said before my as sick as I am like I've said before my my sickness says you can't go anywhere my sickness says you can't go anywhere my sickness says you can't go anywhere but my my antsy brain says you got to do but my my antsy brain says you got to do but my my antsy brain says you got to do something you can't just sit around something you can't just sit around something you can't just sit around doing nothing all day I can't I cannot doing nothing all day I can't I cannot doing nothing all day I can't I cannot just sit in bed as you see I'll get in just sit in bed as you see I'll get in just sit in bed as you see I'll get in bed later on this afternoon and that's bed later on this afternoon and that's bed later on this afternoon and that's when I'll cut off with a book I listened when I'll cut off with a book I listened when I'll cut off with a book I listened to this talk radio and we'll do a little to this talk radio and we'll do a little to this talk radio and we'll do a little crocheting or knitting just making me crocheting or knitting just making me crocheting or knitting just making me dizzy going back looking back and forth dizzy going back looking back and forth dizzy going back looking back and forth to the screen I'm just starting to feel to the screen I'm just starting to feel to the screen I'm just starting to feel dizzy doesn't take much sorry so I'll hook back up with you later so I'll hook back up with you later probably when I get into the sauna I go probably when I get into the sauna I go probably when I get into the sauna I go into the sauna sometime after lunch into the sauna sometime after lunch into the sauna sometime after lunch today big plans right treadmill today big plans right treadmill today big plans right treadmill sauna set
10:00my laundry's all caught up my back Ewing my laundry's all caught up my back Ewing is done my house is clean it's the other is done my house is clean it's the other is done my house is clean it's the other thing I forgive me I'm gonna be really thing I forgive me I'm gonna be really thing I forgive me I'm gonna be really wrong out there and I hope I I know I'm wrong out there and I hope I I know I'm wrong out there and I hope I I know I'm gonna probably offend some people sorry gonna probably offend some people sorry gonna probably offend some people sorry you can't do your laundry you can't get you can't do your laundry you can't get you can't do your laundry you can't get a load of laundry on if you can go out a load of laundry on if you can go out a load of laundry on if you can go out and walk and play in the yard and do and walk and play in the yard and do and walk and play in the yard and do some other things you can throw some some other things you can throw some some other things you can throw some laundry in your washing machine I really laundry in your washing machine I really laundry in your washing machine I really I'm sorry I just people say you know I I'm sorry I just people say you know I I'm sorry I just people say you know I need a helper to come and do things for need a helper to come and do things for need a helper to come and do things for me at home then be careful with what you me at home then be careful with what you me at home then be careful with what you video be very careful with what you video be very careful with what you video be very careful with what you video because I know we're only seeing video because I know we're only seeing video because I know we're only seeing snippets of your day but what we're snippets of your day but what we're snippets of your day but what we're seeing is that you're able to do some
11:00seeing is that you're able to do some seeing is that you're able to do some things be able to do those you should be things be able to do those you should be things be able to do those you should be able to do some of the other things just able to do some of the other things just able to do some of the other things just saying and I'm old told you I'm gonna be saying and I'm old told you I'm gonna be saying and I'm old told you I'm gonna be 59 next week week actually in just a 59 next week week actually in just a 59 next week week actually in just a couple days is it easy for me to do couple days is it easy for me to do couple days is it easy for me to do those things the laundry and everything those things the laundry and everything those things the laundry and everything I mean it's just me and my husband I do I mean it's just me and my husband I do I mean it's just me and my husband I do a couple loads a week I stay on top of a couple loads a week I stay on top of a couple loads a week I stay on top of it I just do it I pull out the vacuum it I just do it I pull out the vacuum it I just do it I pull out the vacuum cleaner I have a house and a whole house cleaner I have a house and a whole house cleaner I have a house and a whole house to vacuum I just do it I don't do it all to vacuum I just do it I don't do it all to vacuum I just do it I don't do it all in one shot in one shot in one shot I'll vacuum the downstairs some days I'll vacuum the downstairs some days I'll vacuum the downstairs some days I'll do both upstairs and downstairs but I'll do both upstairs and downstairs but I'll do both upstairs and downstairs but just do it and then I pay for it but I just do it and then I pay for it but I just do it and then I pay for it but I just do it because not doing it doesn't just do it because not doing it doesn't just do it because not doing it doesn't make me feel any better so I'm sorry I make me feel any better so I'm sorry I make me feel any better so I'm sorry I just had to get that out there cuz I
12:00just had to get that out there cuz I just had to get that out there cuz I know there are days that I can't do some know there are days that I can't do some know there are days that I can't do some of those things I know I get really of those things I know I get really of those things I know I get really really the stipulate really the stipulate really the stipulate challenge to the point of like I'm challenge to the point of like I'm challenge to the point of like I'm holding on to the walls and holding on holding on to the walls and holding on holding on to the walls and holding on to things and I just cannot do to things and I just cannot do to things and I just cannot do certain things but when I have the certain things but when I have the certain things but when I have the little bit that can get me out to take little bit that can get me out to take little bit that can get me out to take my dog for a walk or take a bicycle ride my dog for a walk or take a bicycle ride my dog for a walk or take a bicycle ride or just play out in the yard take that or just play out in the yard take that or just play out in the yard take that energy and put it towards things that energy and put it towards things that energy and put it towards things that are really important which are keeping are really important which are keeping are really important which are keeping your home we have to we have to do our your home we have to we have to do our your home we have to we have to do our power our husbands do so much my husband power our husbands do so much my husband power our husbands do so much my husband does all the cooking he does all the does all the cooking he does all the does all the cooking he does all the grocery shopping I do a little bit of grocery shopping I do a little bit of grocery shopping I do a little bit of cooking as you just saw but I mean a cooking as you just saw but I mean a cooking as you just saw but I mean a little bit is seriously a little bit so little bit is seriously a little bit so little bit is seriously a little bit so I'm not gonna expect him to do my I'm not gonna expect him to do my I'm not gonna expect him to do my laundry or to clean the house even
13:00laundry or to clean the house even laundry or to clean the house even though he does sometimes I mean he never though he does sometimes I mean he never though he does sometimes I mean he never does a laundry never never never but you does a laundry never never never but you does a laundry never never never but you know he does do cleaning around the know he does do cleaning around the know he does do cleaning around the house and stuff and I just it's like no house and stuff and I just it's like no house and stuff and I just it's like no kill me now if I cannot do my part at kill me now if I cannot do my part at kill me now if I cannot do my part at all then I need to be in a hospital all then I need to be in a hospital all then I need to be in a hospital hooked up to a breathing machine and a hooked up to a breathing machine and a hooked up to a breathing machine and a heart machine because it means I'm just heart machine because it means I'm just heart machine because it means I'm just not capable of doing anything not capable of doing anything not capable of doing anything so I'm sorry that's my event for the day so I'm sorry that's my event for the day so I'm sorry that's my event for the day I don't I'm sorry I apologize if I've I don't I'm sorry I apologize if I've I don't I'm sorry I apologize if I've hurt anyone's feelings I just had to be hurt anyone's feelings I just had to be hurt anyone's feelings I just had to be honest with what I've been thinking I honest with what I've been thinking I honest with what I've been thinking I watched videos I watched people's vlogs watched videos I watched people's vlogs watched videos I watched people's vlogs and I just wonder I don't know if I and I just wonder I don't know if I and I just wonder I don't know if I would put this up now cuz I don't wanna would put this up now cuz I don't wanna would put this up now cuz I don't wanna offend people offend people offend people that's not my that's not my intent let's that's not my that's not my intent let's that's not my that's not my intent let's put it this way I'm talking about myself put it this way I'm talking about myself put it this way I'm talking about myself what I feel like I need to do what I what I feel like I need to do what I what I feel like I need to do what I have to do in my life what you do in
14:00have to do in my life what you do in have to do in my life what you do in your life is your own business and I your life is your own business and I your life is your own business and I need it but out it's not my life this is need it but out it's not my life this is need it but out it's not my life this is my life my life my life so again I apologize alright so talk to so again I apologize alright so talk to so again I apologize alright so talk to you guys later you guys later you guys later I wanted to quick say that I wanted to quick say that I wanted to quick say that my head's getting really bad again and my head's getting really bad again and my head's getting really bad again and what I noticed is my neck is killing me what I noticed is my neck is killing me what I noticed is my neck is killing me and the more my neck hurts the worst my and the more my neck hurts the worst my and the more my neck hurts the worst my head gets I'm really trying to document head gets I'm really trying to document head gets I'm really trying to document and try to keep you know a running who and try to keep you know a running who and try to keep you know a running who can't even talk just to see the can't even talk just to see the can't even talk just to see the coalition collate sorry I'm really coalition collate sorry I'm really coalition collate sorry I'm really having trouble talking now between the having trouble talking now between the having trouble talking now between the neck pain and inflammation and it's neck pain and inflammation and it's neck pain and inflammation and it's happy you know that it's happening right
15:00happy you know that it's happening right happy you know that it's happening right out it is popped right out back here out it is popped right out back here out it is popped right out back here with when my head starts to get woozy with when my head starts to get woozy with when my head starts to get woozy and really off balanced and worse I and really off balanced and worse I and really off balanced and worse I think it's from visual I definitely my think it's from visual I definitely my think it's from visual I definitely my visual is so affected by it when I try visual is so affected by it when I try visual is so affected by it when I try to look in this screen even or scrolling to look in this screen even or scrolling to look in this screen even or scrolling or watching anything on YouTube I really or watching anything on YouTube I really or watching anything on YouTube I really have a hard time so I just wanted to pop have a hard time so I just wanted to pop have a hard time so I just wanted to pop in and say a little my last little blip in and say a little my last little blip in and say a little my last little blip was saying that my head wasn't bad it's was saying that my head wasn't bad it's was saying that my head wasn't bad it's bad it's getting bad and it makes me bad it's getting bad and it makes me bad it's getting bad and it makes me want to cry because it's so want to cry because it's so want to cry because it's so disappointing it's like I just one day disappointing it's like I just one day disappointing it's like I just one day one day of this not happening would be one day of this not happening would be one day of this not happening would be such a miracle one day so I'll be back such a miracle one day so I'll be back such a miracle one day so I'll be back later bye I just waiting for the sauna
16:00later bye I just waiting for the sauna later bye I just waiting for the sauna to eat up I had to put heat back on my to eat up I had to put heat back on my to eat up I had to put heat back on my neck my neck is just killing me my head just got it really really woozy my head just got it really really woozy and off-balanced just made it hard for me to even do just made it hard for me to even do anything I my dogs both they do this anything I my dogs both they do this anything I my dogs both they do this crazy thing that they want both love at crazy thing that they want both love at crazy thing that they want both love at the same time and they get jealous of the same time and they get jealous of the same time and they get jealous of each other and they one gets in my face each other and they one gets in my face each other and they one gets in my face and he tries to push the other one away and he tries to push the other one away and he tries to push the other one away with his butt and they're doing that and with his butt and they're doing that and with his butt and they're doing that and my head it was making me oh my god I my head it was making me oh my god I my head it was making me oh my god I thought I was going to pass out I got so thought I was going to pass out I got so thought I was going to pass out I got so dizzy with them doing that with me and you know their hair they're trying to you know their hair they're trying to have fun and I can't enjoy the dogs just have fun and I can't enjoy the dogs just have fun and I can't enjoy the dogs just trying to love up on me because I'm so trying to love up on me because I'm so trying to love up on me because I'm so stinkin dizzy and off-balanced it feels
17:00stinkin dizzy and off-balanced it feels stinkin dizzy and off-balanced it feels like I'm having a stroke honest to god like I'm having a stroke honest to god like I'm having a stroke honest to god it's the strangest scariest feeling on it's the strangest scariest feeling on it's the strangest scariest feeling on earth this head pressure off I just I earth this head pressure off I just I earth this head pressure off I just I hate it so much and I rebuke it because hate it so much and I rebuke it because hate it so much and I rebuke it because it is from the pit of hell this is from it is from the pit of hell this is from it is from the pit of hell this is from the pit of hell I'm sorry just sitting the pit of hell I'm sorry just sitting the pit of hell I'm sorry just sitting here thinking my gosh just one day could here thinking my gosh just one day could here thinking my gosh just one day could I just say one day if I'm not having I just say one day if I'm not having I just say one day if I'm not having this so I'm waiting to go in the sauna this so I'm waiting to go in the sauna this so I'm waiting to go in the sauna not that that's gonna make me any better not that that's gonna make me any better not that that's gonna make me any better because it won't but I'd do whatever I because it won't but I'd do whatever I because it won't but I'd do whatever I can do well understand this head thing okay
18:00well understand this head thing okay thank God for this little guy it's cut thank God for this little guy it's cut thank God for this little guy it's cut off look I showed you this before see if look I showed you this before see if it's on there oh yeah but it's a yogi I also don't even know what's really also don't even know what's really inside of it but my daughter got me this inside of it but my daughter got me this inside of it but my daughter got me this you can make your own you can put rice you can make your own you can put rice you can make your own you can put rice in a sock a tube sock and tie it off and in a sock a tube sock and tie it off and in a sock a tube sock and tie it off and heat it up but this is guy on this side heat it up but this is guy on this side heat it up but this is guy on this side it's lavender and underside it's it's lavender and underside it's it's lavender and underside it's eucalyptus and it still smells and it's eucalyptus and it still smells and it's eucalyptus and it still smells and it's a year I got this for Christmas last a year I got this for Christmas last a year I got this for Christmas last year so it's a year old and I use it year so it's a year old and I use it year so it's a year old and I use it constantly because I also have an extra
19:00constantly because I also have an extra constantly because I also have an extra large heating pad that goes up around my large heating pad that goes up around my large heating pad that goes up around my neck and all the way down my back but neck and all the way down my back but neck and all the way down my back but you're tethered to it you can't walk you're tethered to it you can't walk you're tethered to it you can't walk around where's you heat this up in the around where's you heat this up in the around where's you heat this up in the microwave and you can walk around and it microwave and you can walk around and it microwave and you can walk around and it molds to your neck book she also got me molds to your neck book she also got me molds to your neck book she also got me out you know I mask one that I've never out you know I mask one that I've never out you know I mask one that I've never used that one maybe I need to use that used that one maybe I need to use that used that one maybe I need to use that one too I'll try that I use that too one too I'll try that I use that too one too I'll try that I use that too when I'm tethered to the earthing later when I'm tethered to the earthing later when I'm tethered to the earthing later because I'm gonna earth later - I think because I'm gonna earth later - I think because I'm gonna earth later - I think I said this yesterday just like every I said this yesterday just like every I said this yesterday just like every single minute of my life is revolves single minute of my life is revolves single minute of my life is revolves around taking care of this nasty freakin around taking care of this nasty freakin around taking care of this nasty freakin crap right it's not right
20:00I get angry with God I don't want to be angry with God but I I don't want to be angry with God but I am cuz it's been years what started out am cuz it's been years what started out am cuz it's been years what started out with having me feel off balance and with having me feel off balance and with having me feel off balance and dizzy occasionally you know right now dizzy occasionally you know right now dizzy occasionally you know right now and then and then maybe once or twice a and then and then maybe once or twice a and then and then maybe once or twice a day is now every day almost all day day is now every day almost all day day is now every day almost all day it has escalated to that so I'm popped it has escalated to that so I'm popped it has escalated to that so I'm popped back in when I get into the sauna I'm back in when I get into the sauna I'm back in when I get into the sauna I'm gonna try to do 30 minutes today maybe gonna try to do 30 minutes today maybe gonna try to do 30 minutes today maybe that will kill me you know up maybe up that will kill me you know up maybe up that will kill me you know up maybe up hit you can watch me pass out maybe I'll hit you can watch me pass out maybe I'll hit you can watch me pass out maybe I'll have you fill out filming and you can
21:00have you fill out filming and you can have you fill out filming and you can watch me die I'm only kidding but I'm watch me die I'm only kidding but I'm watch me die I'm only kidding but I'm gonna try 30 minutes my husband does 70 gonna try 30 minutes my husband does 70 gonna try 30 minutes my husband does 70 at a 130 degrees I think I could never at a 130 degrees I think I could never at a 130 degrees I think I could never do that at 70 minutes in there are you do that at 70 minutes in there are you do that at 70 minutes in there are you kidding me that's crazy but I've been kidding me that's crazy but I've been kidding me that's crazy but I've been working up started at 15 and 2025 so working up started at 15 and 2025 so working up started at 15 and 2025 so today will be 30 at 120 degrees and today will be 30 at 120 degrees and today will be 30 at 120 degrees and we'll see if I survive so I'll see you we'll see if I survive so I'll see you we'll see if I survive so I'll see you in a little while okay I'm in the sauna just hit a mental I'm in the sauna just hit a mental breakdown because as I was getting breakdown because as I was getting breakdown because as I was getting undressed don't ask me why but my right undressed don't ask me why but my right undressed don't ask me why but my right hand went numb hand went numb hand went numb I mean half of the hand up to half of my I mean half of the hand up to half of my I mean half of the hand up to half of my arm just went tingly numb thought I was arm just went tingly numb thought I was arm just went tingly numb thought I was having a stroke I started screaming and having a stroke I started screaming and having a stroke I started screaming and crying and now it just aches I did break
22:00crying and now it just aches I did break crying and now it just aches I did break this hand two years ago and the pain is this hand two years ago and the pain is this hand two years ago and the pain is where the break was but I didn't do where the break was but I didn't do where the break was but I didn't do anything I was just undressing and anything I was just undressing and anything I was just undressing and suddenly it just went numb god I'm losing my mind tell me that's god I'm losing my mind tell me that's lime or bad be easy or Bartonella lime or bad be easy or Bartonella lime or bad be easy or Bartonella that I'm going numb in my my extremities that I'm going numb in my my extremities that I'm going numb in my my extremities there's something going on with me all there's something going on with me all there's something going on with me all right right right so 30 minutes becoming a hypochondriac that's what's becoming a hypochondriac that's what's happening although that wasn't I wasn't happening although that wasn't I wasn't happening although that wasn't I wasn't imagining that and I don't imagine the imagining that and I don't imagine the imagining that and I don't imagine the dizziness and I don't imagine any of dizziness and I don't imagine any of dizziness and I don't imagine any of this but you do become a hypochondriac this but you do become a hypochondriac this but you do become a hypochondriac because every little ache and pain you
23:00because every little ache and pain you because every little ache and pain you flip out you don't know how to react to flip out you don't know how to react to flip out you don't know how to react to it anymore it's so intense my Talavera it anymore it's so intense my Talavera it anymore it's so intense my Talavera flash you people so well you know how I flash you people so well you know how I flash you people so well you know how I do here my feet I took my socks off do here my feet I took my socks off do here my feet I took my socks off whenever I take my socks off the whenever I take my socks off the whenever I take my socks off the tingling numbness prickly and on the tingling numbness prickly and on the tingling numbness prickly and on the bottoms of my feet is just so intense bottoms of my feet is just so intense bottoms of my feet is just so intense it's the most that's another annoying it's the most that's another annoying it's the most that's another annoying thing trying to get feeling I literally thing trying to get feeling I literally thing trying to get feeling I literally slept them and robbed them and just
24:00slept them and robbed them and just slept them and robbed them and just trying to get feeling in them I took my trying to get feeling in them I took my trying to get feeling in them I took my antibiotics oh here we go antibiotics oh here we go antibiotics oh here we go start burping and belching everything start burping and belching everything start burping and belching everything all right so I check in with yin though all right so I check in with yin though all right so I check in with yin though when I'm getting ready to get out of when I'm getting ready to get out of when I'm getting ready to get out of here okay this has been an exciting vlog here okay this has been an exciting vlog here okay this has been an exciting vlog today but how my glides are exciting today but how my glides are exciting today but how my glides are exciting right I don't know if you can see but I right I don't know if you can see but I right I don't know if you can see but I got a really good sweat and that's me got a really good sweat and that's me got a really good sweat and that's me wiping it off over and over and over wiping it off over and over and over wiping it off over and over and over again I'm really covered in sweat so again I'm really covered in sweat so again I'm really covered in sweat so those extra five minutes really make a those extra five minutes really make a those extra five minutes really make a difference because I'm literally sopping difference because I'm literally sopping difference because I'm literally sopping wet I'm sobbing what today so I don't wet I'm sobbing what today so I don't wet I'm sobbing what today so I don't like one more minute and I'm getting out like one more minute and I'm getting out like one more minute and I'm getting out of here of here of here I just wrote last night cuz my husband I just wrote last night cuz my husband I just wrote last night cuz my husband always just jumps right into the shower always just jumps right into the shower always just jumps right into the shower as soon as he gets out and they said as soon as he gets out and they said as soon as he gets out and they said you're not supposed to you're supposed you're not supposed to you're supposed you're not supposed to you're supposed to wait about 20 minutes
25:00to wait about 20 minutes to wait about 20 minutes Oh before you shower so yeah 30 minutes Oh before you shower so yeah 30 minutes Oh before you shower so yeah 30 minutes that's that for me it's all I can handle that's that for me it's all I can handle that's that for me it's all I can handle cuz I'm really feeling almost no it's cuz I'm really feeling almost no it's cuz I'm really feeling almost no it's probably my anxiety one more minute and probably my anxiety one more minute and probably my anxiety one more minute and then I'm done okay this is my last then I'm done okay this is my last then I'm done okay this is my last little blip for the day I'm on my bad little blip for the day I'm on my bad little blip for the day I'm on my bad I don't have anything more to add other I don't have anything more to add other I don't have anything more to add other than the boozy dizzy head feeling has than the boozy dizzy head feeling has than the boozy dizzy head feeling has gotten better again um so maybe I am gotten better again um so maybe I am gotten better again um so maybe I am just trying to get better cuz I'm having
26:00just trying to get better cuz I'm having just trying to get better cuz I'm having times of the day that it's not so bad times of the day that it's not so bad times of the day that it's not so bad and then I get really bad and then I I'm and then I get really bad and then I I'm and then I get really bad and then I I'm almost afraid to say that um anyways I almost afraid to say that um anyways I almost afraid to say that um anyways I pray that the rest of the day goes well pray that the rest of the day goes well pray that the rest of the day goes well um up on my bed now as you can see and um up on my bed now as you can see and um up on my bed now as you can see and I'm gonna just read and she'll out as if I'm gonna just read and she'll out as if I'm gonna just read and she'll out as if I haven't chilled out all day I just got I haven't chilled out all day I just got I haven't chilled out all day I just got a call from my stepmom that my father 86 a call from my stepmom that my father 86 a call from my stepmom that my father 86 years old fell this morning I broke his years old fell this morning I broke his years old fell this morning I broke his hip so he's up at the hospital they're hip so he's up at the hospital they're hip so he's up at the hospital they're still in the ER they've been there all still in the ER they've been there all still in the ER they've been there all day trying to decide what type of day trying to decide what type of day trying to decide what type of surgery they should do again he's 86 no surgery they should do again he's 86 no surgery they should do again he's 86 no I'm not running right up there nothing I'm not running right up there nothing I'm not running right up there nothing for me to do anyway and
27:00pickles in a surgery I feel like I have pickles in a surgery I feel like I have to go up there to sit with her and be to go up there to sit with her and be to go up there to sit with her and be with her just to be with her being in with her just to be with her being in with her just to be with her being in the hospital it's so annoying to me and the hospital it's so annoying to me and the hospital it's so annoying to me and it's funny cuz I was a nurse and I it's funny cuz I was a nurse and I it's funny cuz I was a nurse and I worked in a hospital or nah but now with worked in a hospital or nah but now with worked in a hospital or nah but now with all the sensitivities I have to light all the sensitivities I have to light all the sensitivities I have to light and sound and movement remember um a and sound and movement remember um a and sound and movement remember um a year ago when my daughter was in the year ago when my daughter was in the year ago when my daughter was in the emergency room the monitor sounds were emergency room the monitor sounds were emergency room the monitor sounds were driving me out of my mind and like you driving me out of my mind and like you driving me out of my mind and like you know you're in these cubicles with just know you're in these cubicles with just know you're in these cubicles with just curtains separating you from all these curtains separating you from all these curtains separating you from all these other patients in the emergency room in other patients in the emergency room in other patients in the emergency room in somebody's monitor would go off and I somebody's monitor would go off and I somebody's monitor would go off and I would just get up and go around the would just get up and go around the would just get up and go around the curtain and hit the buttons because I curtain and hit the buttons because I curtain and hit the buttons because I know what to do and then the nurse would
28:00know what to do and then the nurse would know what to do and then the nurse would come and think like how did that happen come and think like how did that happen come and think like how did that happen and I'm just sitting there and my and I'm just sitting there and my and I'm just sitting there and my daughters like ah but I'm like listen daughters like ah but I'm like listen daughters like ah but I'm like listen they're driving me crazy they're driving me crazy they're driving me crazy I'm gonna I'm gonna lose my mind if I I'm gonna I'm gonna lose my mind if I I'm gonna I'm gonna lose my mind if I have to hear beep beep beep beep anymore have to hear beep beep beep beep anymore have to hear beep beep beep beep anymore so just the monitor sounds the movement so just the monitor sounds the movement so just the monitor sounds the movement of people in now lights everything was of people in now lights everything was of people in now lights everything was just so overstimulating to me and so the just so overstimulating to me and so the just so overstimulating to me and so the thought of it's going up and sitting thought of it's going up and sitting thought of it's going up and sitting with her in the emergency room I can't I with her in the emergency room I can't I with her in the emergency room I can't I can't do and I don't want to do it I can't do and I don't want to do it I can't do and I don't want to do it I don't care enough I don't once he don't care enough I don't once he don't care enough I don't once he abandoned me he left me and like I said abandoned me he left me and like I said abandoned me he left me and like I said if he really really needed me I'd be if he really really needed me I'd be if he really really needed me I'd be there but he doesn't he's fine he's there but he doesn't he's fine he's there but he doesn't he's fine he's being cared for right now and but that being cared for right now and but that being cared for right now and but that will be probably what I'll have to end will be probably what I'll have to end will be probably what I'll have to end up be doing in the next 24 hours is up be doing in the next 24 hours is up be doing in the next 24 hours is going up to the hospital I'm sitting going up to the hospital I'm sitting going up to the hospital I'm sitting with her while he's in surgery anyway
29:00with her while he's in surgery anyway with her while he's in surgery anyway hope you're doing better I hope you're hope you're doing better I hope you're hope you're doing better I hope you're having a okay day okay is better than having a okay day okay is better than having a okay day okay is better than not okay right we'll take whatever we not okay right we'll take whatever we not okay right we'll take whatever we can and praying for you all from me to can and praying for you all from me to can and praying for you all from me to you